| I am. When I race and when I screw up, which can | | | | become a habit. This is a very bad habit that needs |
| seem to be pretty often, I am harder on myself | | | | to be stopped. Why? Because it is affecting |
| than anyone else is. There have been many times I | | | | something I love, racing. It's also affecting the people |
| wished I had remembered to put a paper sack in the | | | | I love around me like my husband and friends. I'm not |
| car to wear over my head when I came back up the | | | | sure why I have started to be like this, it may have |
| return road. One of these days I may do that just to | | | | something to do with my past. I'm not going to |
| give the guys at the time slip booth something to | | | | waste time however, digging up the past to try and |
| laugh at. | | | | figure out why I feel this way. The past is the past, |
| I must think that everyone including the guy getting | | | | let's let it lay there and move on. I can't change what |
| popcorn saw my mistake and must be laughing | | | | happened in the past, but there is one thing I do |
| hysterically at me. What do I think they are going to | | | | have control over - my thoughts. I must change the |
| do, boo me or something? I must really think that | | | | way I think which ultimately changes the way I react |
| people care what I did enough to laugh at my | | | | when things don't work out at a race. |
| mistake. Therein lies the mistake, that most people, | | | | I know I am always saying encouraging words to |
| one, even notice and two, that they care. | | | | other racers who may be having a bad day, so I |
| I find myself apologizing to my husband for letting | | | | need to start extending the same kindness to |
| him down. He is always telling me I haven't let him | | | | myself. Realizing that everyone has a bad day, that |
| down and that I should just have fun. I am having | | | | everyone makes mistakes and that my mistake |
| fun, just not as much fun as I could be if I wasn't so | | | | couldn't possibly be the worst one ever made would |
| hard on myself. I often times hear myself making | | | | be a good first step. Good, seasoned racers have |
| derogatory remarks about my driving to others in a | | | | lost every way there is to lose a race. So I must |
| joke form. Like I'm poking fun at myself, but not in a | | | | remind myself when I make a mistake that cost me |
| nice way. That can get old to others. I must sound | | | | the race I can say with great pride that I am |
| pathetic like that one round of racing will mean that | | | | becoming a more seasoned racer - a veteran with |
| we won't eat this week or something. I never | | | | more experience than I had when I pulled into the |
| thought of myself as a drama queen, but even I get | | | | track today. |
| sick of tripping over my bottom lip. One side of my | | | | I also need to remind myself of the times I did really |
| brain is telling me, "You dufus, you have no business | | | | well. I need to tell myself in order to be good, you |
| being out here." and the other, more rational side is | | | | have to make mistakes. Simple as that. The more |
| screaming, "Come on, it's only racing! Have some fun! | | | | mistakes I make then ultimately the better I'll get. I |
| Everyone screws up." You know, things I tell other | | | | hope that those of you, who do the same thing, |
| people. | | | | beat up on yourself harder than anyone else does, |
| If I have a bad light or I red light or if I let a guy get | | | | that you also learn that life is made up of successes |
| around me at the stripe I am always kicking myself | | | | and failures. We have to fail so we know when it is |
| and saying I have a great car that has a lousy driver. | | | | we've succeeded. |
| That is a terrible thing to say and if someone else | | | | Besides, giving someone else like those in the stands |
| other than myself had said it to me I'd be fighting | | | | or another racer something to laugh at is a good |
| mad. So why do I let myself get away with it? | | | | quality to have. I like to think that when I screw up I |
| Because I have done it for so long I believe it has | | | | bring joy to someone else. |